Everyone and their mother is going to be making Super Bowl predictions in the coming weeks.  So instead of doing that I’ve decided to make some different predictions for that faithful football night.  We don’t need to focus on teams and stats.  We all know that Brett Favre is going to playing even after he dies.

We know that some team is going to be banging a bunch of hookers somewhere at some point this season.  These things we’re well aware of and doing really have to predict them.

However, here are  five things you might not know will happen at the 2011 Super Bowl…

1.  Jerry Jones will eat a child at halftime

Can’t you just see that?  First of all the dude’s face isn’t real anymore so that’s kind of scary.  Second of all this guy would definitely eat human being if it made him more money.  Let’s be real here.

2.  Mel Kiper will be very upset

Considering this guy definitely masturbates to college football I’m guessing that the NFL superbowl is one time that Kiper is 100% depressed.

3.  Jessica Simpson will NOT be banging either QB

Good, maybe this means I have a shot….or not.  Still though, it’s nice to dream.

4.  It’ll be the Rolling Stones

No doubt the NFL tries to get the Rolling Stones to play half time.  They’re into playing it safe and something tells me it won’t be Eminem that graces us with his music.  I for one would welcome the Stones and their hefty price tag to play the event.

5.  Rex Ryan will be Loud no Matter What

The Jets do look pretty good right now on paper and no matter what happens I hope there’s a mike on Rex Ryan.

4.