. Uncoached - Scary Moments in the Life of a Butt |

Aug 18 2010

Five of The Scariest Moments in the Life of Your Ass

Published by at 7:20 am under Editorial

Constipated

When you think about it, you and your tushy have been through a lot together.  From crapping your pants as a baby to holding it in as an adult I think we take for granted our relationships with our behinds.

That’s why you have to treat them with care.  Rub them.  Wash them.  Hell even sing to them if you got to.  But no matter how well you treat your butts, there will always be moments when they scare you.

Here are five that I think are horrible….

Sharting

Shart

We all know what sharting is and if you don’t you can thank Along Came Polly for making that term popular.  It’s when you fart but a little poop comes out.  Do you realize how scary (and gross a moment) this is?  The first thought that comes to mind?  Stains.  Good God what if someone sees it?  Not to mention the inconvenience of not being able to clean up right away.  Awful.

Water Doesn’t Go Down When you Flush

Toilet

It’s happened to all of us but luckily it usually happens in your own home so it’s not that bad.  But have you ever clogged your friends toilet?  Or even worse you’re a guest in someone’s home that you don’t know too well.  Guess you won’t be invited back.

Farting When you Laugh

Fart

I’ve done this maybe 5 times in my life but there was one instance where I was completely nervous people heard me.  I was actually in high school and a big group of us were laughing at the same time and I ripped an absolute monster.   I kept looking around to see if people heard it.  It was incredibly loud but to this day I don’t think anywhere heard it.  Thank God.

Holding It In – Like Badly

Wizard

I will never forget this…ever.  College.  Massive hangover.  100 degree day in New Orleans.  I decide to go to a concert that day.  I drink at least a gallon of water without even really eating breakfast.  It was easily the worst day of my life.  I must have held in the worst diarrhea of my life for about 3 hours.  Me and a buddy had to have cops drive us to some crappy diner somewhere.  I was in a gross bathroom for over an hour.  Might have been the worst smell of all time when I was done.  I literally tried to crap in bushes but I just couldn’t.  Man was that awful.  My buddy laughed the entire time.

Red Ass

There are no pictures for this

If you’re not familiar with the term it’s when you’ve crapped more than an adequate amount of times in a day and your ass hurts.  The scary part is that each time you go you’re afraid blood is going to come out.  Gross.





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