Married life is a hell of a lot different than dating life.  When you’re dating someone sex is practically above anything else.  It’s like you have to have sex or there’s no point in dating.  It’s clearly the most necessary part of a relationship prior to that relationship being a committed one.  Therefore you’ll have sex at all hours, in all place, in any venue and it’s always awesome.

Now, it’s not that sex isn’t important when you’re married.  However, it sure as hell takes on new meaning.  And the situations you found you used to have sex in don’t become as desirable anymore.  It’s just the way life works.

Here are the five worst times to have sex for a married man….

Past 10 PM on a Week Day (Other than Friday)

Remember when you used to date someone and you’d have sex at all hours?  Now that you’ve been married for quite some time it’s just not the same is it.  Now you’re all worried that you actually do have to get up to go to work.  Now you’re concerned you’ll be tired all day.  Not to mention it makes you have to piss all night.

When It’s Too Hot

Hot, steamy sex looks so awesome in Hollywood doesn’t it?  Now it’s just too hot, period.  It’s all sweaty and gooey.  Who really needs that?  I need a very good climate to get my swerve on.

During Sports

This is a cardinal rule.  When you’re dating someone virtually nothing will stop sex from happening.  But come on.  Game 7 of the World Series or NBA Finals?  What about the Superbowl?  If the wife makes a move during one of these times then Kudos to her for initiating sex but even she knows she’s diving into very dangerous waters there.

In The Shower

Maybe this is me but sex in the shower is highly overrated.  Let me rephrase that.  Sex in a conventional shower is overrated.  If you have one of those awesome showers with a bench and that has tons of room then it’s different.  However, it’s all standing up.  The water doesn’t exactly make it better.   It’s just not as good as it’s cracked up to be.

On the Beach

Again.  It looks so romantic on TV right?  Wrong.   I got four words:  Sand in Your Ass.  Any questions?