This was an interesting little experiment, that had results exactly like you’d expect. Some guy thought it would be a great idea to try and drink thirteen beers while running thirteen miles, in an effort to prove uh, well I’m not sure exactly. But he did it, and here are the results:

I puked three times, blacked out for miles 11 and 12, and needed five hours to finish. This is my story.

Perhaps even more problematic are the goddamned do-gooders and paramedics onhand in case of medical emergencies. They will take your swerving, stumbling, and vomiting as signs of delirium or fatigue, and then get all interventionny and try to take way your beer. That can not happen.

So I bought three beers at a time, and poured each 12-ounce bottle or can into a 36-ounce water jug. Holding the jug while I run, I can keep that f*cker pretty steady — far more so than water bottles strapped on to my belt.

I studied the course map in detail to plot each beer stop, which is critical because miles 5-10 are on the Golden Gate Bridge and its on-ramps. Christ f*cking knows there’s no liquor stores on that bridge.

There’s a lot more to the story, and if you want to read the whole account, I highly suggest you check it out here in all its hilariousness. The moral of the story? Don’t try this at home. Or ever.