. Uncoached - How to Pretend to do Work |

Jun 11 2010

Five Great Ways to Pretend to Do Work At the Office

Published by at 7:20 am under Editorial

Call

We’ve all been there.  Every single one of us has had a job that sucked.  And sometimes we spend more time coming up with ways to avoid doing work than actually doing our work.  In reality this is kind of sad but it’s a cycle we’ve all gotten trapped in.  It’s just funny that you spend more energy doing shit to get you in trouble than stuff that might actually help you.

But hey, we’re human and it’s just our nature to be lazy.  Well, American culture at least.  I for one used many tactics to avoid doing work and appearing busy and depending on what your job is some of these tactics may be extremely effective for you.

So here are five great ways to pretend to do work at the office

1.  Have a “Strategy Session” with a colleague

Work

“Hey boss I had this great idea that I wanted to run by you but I needed to talk to Phil in accounting first.  Mind if I spend 30min to an hour with him?”  Phil is actually your friend and you’re simply shooting the shit with him.  But as long as you have some sort of outline which you can draw up in two minutes these little “strategy sessions” can work and fend off the annoying micromanaging boss.

2.  Always have the phone at your ear

Business

This is for those that have intense cold calling positions.  I would always have my phone on my ear so it appeared I was making calls even though I really wasn’t.  I was playing online video games or checking email or (if I could have) watching porn.   Phones are a great tool to look busy.   P.S. use a phone, a headset requires too little effort.

3.  Look pensive or frustrated all the time

Pensive

Appear stressed.  Appear in deep thought.  Don’t even look like your relaxed or enjoying yourself.  The more focused or even frustrated you look the more it seems like you’re “trying.”

4.   Go Out of Your Way to Email your boss your progress or with questions

Boss

If you’re constantly in contact with you boss (but not too much) they’ll think your mind is one the project.  Come up with like one new idea everyday that shouldn’t take you more than 2 seconds.  Run it by your boss and watch.  You’ll wind up talking about it for like a half an hour.  Boom, you just killed some time even though you’re just sitting there and don’t give a shit.

5.  Make Up Meeting Cancellations

Meeting

This one is a pure lie but easily accomplished in sales.  And if you’re in a job that you truly hate you can probably get away with this stuff for at least 6 months before getting fired.  You just have to be able to cover your tracks which really isn’t that hard.  For example, say you had a meeting and that the other party canceled last minute.  So you get to leave the office for at least an hour and they feel bad for you.  You can probably pull this off once a month assuming you have enough meetings.





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One response so far

  • booya

    I have dual monitors. One always has work stuff on it (even if It’s not even my current project) the other has this website and other things.

    Spreadsheets are good but mostly I subscribe to the “Look frustrated” If you do that A: No one wants to talk to you B: Everyone thinks you are working hard or “overworked.

    I also wear headphones all day most of the time with no audio just to look deep in thought and to pretend I can’t hear my co workers

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