May 06 2010
There’s a part of me that has plenty of sympathy for famous children out there. Mainly because most of them will end up drug addicts and have zero clue what to do with their finances. So you kind of have to blame their parents for lots of the things they run into at a later age. They’re simply not prepared.
Most of these stars are in fact good kids and they just don’t know any better. But there are some that just irk me. Some of them you kind of realize are dicks, and they’ll end up growing up to be adult dicks. And that to me just doesn’t cut it.
You can spot evil children just like you can adults. And before these kids learn how to fight because they had to train for a movie, I’d rather take them out now at a young age.
Here are six famous teens I’d love to beat up.
Cole and Dylan Sprouse – Age 19
Remember how cute these two were in the movie Big Daddy? Now they’re like the Olson Twins but for guys. Let me just say if you’ve ever seen them on Disney and you actually liked them then consider yourself on my list of people I’d like to beat up. They have that shaggy hair thing that I hate and God they are awful actors.
Justin Bieber – Age 16
Amazingly enough I first listened to this kid today. Let me get this straight. People like a 16-year-old white kid singing stuff that basically Usher sings? Am I missing something? Is this kid even handsome? He sounds like a teenage girl. I don’t get it. I really don’t. I guess that Funny or Die video he did months back was OK but I’d still like to slap him.
Jaden Smith – Age 12 (Soon)
Only because he’s in Karate Kid and I’d like to do some damage to the kid. Otherwise I guess he’s alright.
Angus T Jones – Age 17
OK, can we please agree that Two and a Half Men isn’t funny? This is the best television has to offer? Dude, I grew up watching Cheers, Family Ties, Seinfeld, you know, REAL sitcoms that were funny? Angus was adorable in The Rookie but another shaggy hair case and bad acting makes me want to TKO this kid.
Mitchel Musso- Age 19
Hannah Montana show. Shaggy hair. WAY too animated. This guy is a disaster.
Moises Arias – Age 16
Hannah Montana show. Might be the most annoying person on the face of the earth. Plus I hate the name Moises. This kid’s gonna get it if I see him on the street.
Even More Uncoachable Stuff