When I plan my nights out at the bar, the thought that I might end up getting my nose chopped off by a sword by the end of the night is never really a thought that crosses my head.

I’m sure that’s true for these patrons in Oklahoma city as well, but they hadn’t met Adan Zapata before.

Police say Zapata thought the victim and his friends were making too much noise.

Zapata supposedly got mad, grabbed the 34-inch sword, chased the men outside and slashed one man in the face.

One witness thinks the victim is lucky to be alive.

“He was scared. He cried, ‘Oh my nose, he cut my nose,’” says Israel Ramos.

The dude now needs to be literally built a new nose using skin from his ear and forehead. That’s kind of bummer, as I really wouldn’t want to have a nose shaped patch missing from my forehead any more than I’d like not having a nose at all.
Lesson learned: Next time, bring your OWN sword to the bar in case YOUR bartender wants to challenge you to a duel.

When a girl types “Hi Y’all” in her Model Profile and she actually means it, then I’m sold.   And that’s exactly what Courtney Shoemaker did.  She’s 21 years old, is extremely hot, and seems to be nice about the whole thing.

You really don’t get that much in New York but I suppose in Scottsdale where the weather is warm most of the year, there’s just no reason to be mean.  Actually if you’re that attractive there should never be reason to be mean.

I hope Courtney makes it as she certainly has the look to.

More of Shoemaker after the jump

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I was pretty busy looking at the guy mime the last moments of Jesus while wearing a speedo and headband, so it took me a while to notice that he was actually standing on that chick’s back.

Even the rest of the class is dumbfounded at what’s going on. And I find it suspicious that he chooses the only hot girl to stand on, while the rest of the middle aged yoga patrons sit around with their backs intact.

Wherever this class is, sign me up immediately.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3uLUQPh42E

Look, I understand it’s a different culture over there and all that, but that’s no reason to skin a dog and wear it to dance around in a commercial for what appears to be, chips? I don’t even know.

How exactly a humanoid dog doing a fan dance can cheer up a little boy who’s had his heart broken is unclear, but what’s even more unclear is the creepy doll-princess who shows up at around thirteen seconds. Why? Who are you? Get out of my yard!

Thankfully, in the end the little boy’s heart is healed, and he runs off to tell his girlfriend about the crazy trippy stuff he just saw going on in his yard.

Call me crazy but I still have a sweet spot for the one piece bathing suit.   In today’s day and age it’s all about the bikini, the thong, and showing just about everything on the body except the nipples.  Not that I’m so opposed to this but the further along we go, the less there is left to mystery.

I may be old fashioned but sometimes it’s nice to have things left to the imagination.  Plus I think there are way too many women over 60 wearing dental floss bikinis out there.  This clearly has to stop.  But I don’t want to dwell on that.  I miss the Farrah Fawcett pictures and those of women like Marilyn Monroe.

Personally, I wouldn’t mind a little more one piece action out there.  And as such I’ve collected a nice gallery of one piecers for your enjoyment after the jump

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I’m a married man but once upon a time dating was a huge part of my life.  There was a period for about a year where I’d literally average one to two dates a week, which I assume by most standards is a lot (Thanks Jdate!).

The one good thing about dating a ton is that you learn a lot about not only dating as a whole, but what you want in a person.  Each date is a chance to get you that much closer to your ideal person (or the closest thing you can find).

Along the way I picked up plenty of things but what I learned most were things that I did NOT want to see in a female.  After a while I could spot these things on a first date.

Fellas, if your girl does any of this stuff on date one, drop her right then and there

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Click on the photo for Kama Sutra sex tips that will blow you away

There’s a big difference between adopting moral platitudes from thousands of years ago, and trying out their sex advice in real life. Some of the “tips” from the Kama Sutra seem to be setting people up for serious injury should they be performed incorrectly.

Girls I’d love to injure with at Uncoached’s Facebook Page

The Tips

The sexiest computer image of the week – [Usemycomputer]

The hotties of the country music awards – [COED Magazine]

Oregon students Rickroll on the subway – [Asylum]

In need of some celebrity skin? – [Taxidrivermovie] (NSFW Ads)

Check out the animated GIF of the day – [The DW]

Check out how to learn Italian the hard way – [Atom]

Sexy hot chick Violet rocks out to Bret Michaels – [Regretfulmorning]

Great compilation of half white half Asian hotties – [Cavemancircus]

Jesus Christ Heidi Montag, get bigger! – [Celebrityodor]

It’s fun seeing 30 girls run in underwear – [Attuworld]

Now this is what you call a cool door – [DJ Mick]

The 11 most awesome pictures of the week – [Ned Hardy]

What can Erin Andrews do after DWS? – [Guyism]

This is the music to Chat Roulette by – [Cityrag]

Remember how hot Stephanie Seymour used to be? – [Don Chavez]

One of the hottest Latinas I’ve ever seen – [Flisted]

A cool tribute to video games – [Brobible]

Demi Moore says she never had plastic surgery – [Music-Juice]

Click on the photo for more hotties in hats

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again.  I think way too many girls wear hats who simply can’t get away with it.  If a hot girl wears a hat it’s 100% awesome and makes her even hotter.  If a non attractive girl wears one?  God help her.

Girls that pull it off at Uncoached’s Facebook Page

The Portfolio

As Michael Phelps gears up to win more Gold medals, we here in the states don’t really concern ourselves with swimming too much.   It’s just not that popular a sport.  I feel like if we explored the funnier side of things then it might get more press.

Like why don’t we have athletes from other sports compete in swimming races?  Stuff like that.  Imagine seeing Shaquille O’Neal in a pool trying to do the butterfly.

Until that day we’ll just have to settle for a funny gallery of swimming faces

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