You know what the best present for a little kid is? Searing, permanent emotional scars. At least what a lot of parents are thinking when they hire Dominic Deville (seen above), the evil clown who will stalk your kid for a week, break into their house and…splatter them with cake. Observe the process.

Dominic Deville stalks young victims for a week, sending chilling texts, making prank phone calls and setting traps in letterboxes.

He posts notes warning children they are being watched, telling them they will be attacked.

‘The child feels more and more that it is being pursued,’ said Deville.

‘The clown’s one and only aim is to smash a cake into the face of his victim, when they least expect it, during the course of seven days.’

Are you motherf-ing kidding me? Dominic says “if at any point the kids gets scared, we stop right there.” Uh, I’m sorry, but isn’t that the point? You think a kid who sees this thing pop out of their bushes is goin to start bursting out laughing?

Well, yes according to Dominic, he’s sanctioned by the official clown guild of Clowns International (yes, of course that exists), where their motto is “Bringing a little bit of life and laughter into kids’ lives is what we are all about.” You hear that Dominic? Life and laughter, not near-death and terror.