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Mar 01 2010

5 Signs You’re Getting Older Even Though You’re Not Old

Published by at 4:21 am under Editorial


As I approach the age of 31 I’ve begun to do some reflecting on my life.  I’m not 100% I’m where I thought I’d be when I said to myself “I wonder where I’ll be ten years from now” at the age of 21.  I’m now married, thinking about a house, introducing the subject of children, and worrying about retirement in 30 years.

Jesus Christ I never thought this would be me.  But here it is.  I’m an adult.  And it’s damned weird to be one.  Things just aren’t the same as they used to be and I’ve taken notice of it.  Granted I’m not “old” in the old sense.  Like I can still walk and stuff.  But still, there are big changes that have taken place over the years.

And upon this reflection I’ve noticed 5 major things that happen as one gets older but isn’t that old.

How Long a Hangover Lasts


This is by far the number one on this list.  Anyone who is over the age of 25 can attest to this one.  In college we were invincible.  You could party until 3, go to class the next day, take a nap and go out the next night at 11PM and pull it off 5 days a week.  Honestly I don’t know how the hell I did that.   Today?  It’s not documented anywhere but I’m pretty sure if I go out on a Friday I’m not fully recovered until Tuesday of the next week.  If it’s a long night?  Wednesday.

Movie and TV Quotes are Outdated


Man do I feel old when I quote something out of Ace Ventura or Back to the Future and my 19 year old cousin says something like “What’s Back to the Future?”   I mean for Christ’s sake I may be over 30 but I’m not using a walker dammit.   I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for my parents when I don’t know what they’re referencing.  Now I know how it feels.

Calling it a Night at 8:30 on a Friday


Let’s face it.  More often than not when you’ve gotten finished with an entire work day on a Friday you’re really not all that geeked up to go out.  It’s WAY easier to just order in some Chinese and fall asleep in front of the television.  I guess because I’m married this holds true a bit more.  Still though, even as a single guy I went out way less.   You just don’t care anymore.

Muscle Soreness after Sports


Since when was I limping around for 6 days after playing basketball for 2 hours?  What in God’s name is happening to my body here.  I think I might actually have arthritis.  I mean, arthritis man.  Really?  How is this possible?  Do I have to be one of those guys that stretches for 20 minutes before doing anything now?  I’m very nervous about this.  Recovery time ain’t what it used to be.  I think I need to do steroids.

Much Harder to Tell Young People’s Ages


I have no idea how old these girls are

I think this works in both directions.  Just the other day I saw this kid who I literally thought was 15 and I found out he was a senior in college.  The next day I saw a group of girls who could have been 15 or 40.  Seriously I had no idea.  The youth of today puzzles me and guessing ages is futile.  Not to mention, are all young people out there obnoxious?  As my buddy Eds says, you listen to these “youths” speak and think to yourself, “I was never this much of a douchbag.”


“I Don’t Remember it Being Like That When I was a Kid” Starts

You find yourself using that line more and more often.  No explanation needed here.

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17 responses so far

  • http://goodstuff4u.multiply.com/photos/album/19/HOT_CHICKS_AND_NSFW_BLOGROLL GOODSTUFF


    well at least you can trust your parents now LOL

    30 years old – you are still a young puppy – still chewing on shoes and stuff

    the hang over bit is very true with me but Friday nights are nights to howl

    some unwanted advice – don’t build any kids; they will get old and break your heart – start saving for retirement now; do you want to work till you die ?

    forty is even worst and the fifty stuff sucks !

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  • http://www.twentieslife.com Ibrahim | TwentiesLife.com

    Yikes. I may be getting old.

  • http://steadfastfinances.com Matt SF

    No kidding! The worst, for me, was hearing Metallica on something called a “classic metal” station.

  • Davo

    I’m only 27 and can agree with most of these. Especially douchey teens. My god, they’re all fuckwits!

  • http://goodstuff4u.multiply.com/photos/album/19/HOT_CHICKS_AND_NSFW_BLOGROLL GOODSTUFF

    when i feel old and grumpy – I get drunk and party naked ! – wife feels sorry for me and makes me a happy camper

  • Joe V

    Im with you on everything you posted here! This last decade saw incredible (nd IMO negative) change from the plethora of wise-a$$ 13 y/o millionaires to the ghetto fabulous disease that is pop culture. Im married as well and thankful for it, as I would not know what to do with to much free time …let alone fit in with this new age of BS.
    @That Metallica comment reminds me of the other day when I heard Tool on a “retro rock” channel..

  • PD

    OMG!! And I thought it was just ME!!!

    Nice to know people share thought the way they feel, no add ons!

  • http://anandspeak.wordpress.com andy

    This one struck a cord. I am 33/married/1 kid and pretty much going through all those points that you mentioned.
    Well buddy, looking at the comments here, it seems like there’s a whole brotherhood out there!
    As for guessing age, my workplace recently recruited freshers out of college and man just looking at them has made me conscious of the fact that I am a good 11 years older than them! Ouch…

  • http://ihaveaphdinhorribleness.tumblr.com Dr. Horrible

    @ Davo
    Thanks dude. Also calling a group of individuals “fuckwits” doesn’t exactly make me think that you aren’t “douchey”.

    As a 16 year old girl one of the most annoying things I have to deal with on a daily basis is the assumption that anywhere I go I’m up to no good. I’ve been yelled at in stores for trying on shoes, verbally harassed in a fabric store, and ordered around by mall cops. Seriously?
    Add that to the lovely fact that anytime I try to hold up a decent conversation with an individual who is older than myself they immediately assume that I don’t know what I’m talking about.
    I’m a real swell gal but I’m starting to lose my patience.
    How old do I have to be until you won’t immediately assume that I’m a jackass? Because I’m really fucking excited for that day.

  • Amega

    @Dr. Horrible

    It’s an unfortunate fact that as a 24 year old relatively young woman…..when a 16 year old starts talking to me I just stop listening. No, really. I don’t generally assume they’re up to anything, I don’t think they’re going to steal anything, or any of that, we just have nothing to talk about that we’re going to be able to relate about. It’s just that all of a sudden, once you’re totally responsible for yourself, you understand why every adult you met as a teenager thought you were dumb. And HOLY SHIT was I dumb.

  • lummox

    Dr. Horrible,


  • Mike

    @ Dr. Horrible, the answer to your question is: about the time that all teenagers start looking like jerkasses to you. It’ll happen. Just wait. You will hear the words form in your head, “what’s wrong with these kids today?” After that it’s all over. Also remember that we all went through the same crap when we were 16, so some of it is “now it’s our turn to be mean adults.”

    Y’all think your 30s are bad, wait until 40. It’s the difference between “I’m old enough to be the parent of a teen” and “I’m old enough to be the parent of a GROWN ADULT, WTF?”

    The good news for Dr Horrible is that in your 40s the teens become endearing again. It’s the whiny 20-somethings that get on your last nerve. Also 30-somethings whining about getting older. ;-)

  • Warren Bonesteel

    Wait until you’re over 50 and some of your best friends think you’re a baby…because they’re twenty years older than you are. (Damn. Ain’t I ever gonna be a grown up?)

    …and they know about things you never dreamed existed. Scary things…

    1st lesson on aging: Never mess with anyone more than ten years your senior.

    They’ve been there and done that and know things that are downright scary. Dark, dreadful things… They’ve seen the Zombie Apocalypse and lived. The only reason they don’t mess with you is usually because you’re not worth the time and trouble…

    Yeah. I learned that one the hard way …when I was 27. It’s nice to be on the other end of that little game, too.

    2nd lesson: Never play grab-ass games with anyone younger than you are, unless you want to kill them. They’re younger, faster, and stronger than you are and you only have one shot at this, so you’d better be serious about it…and don’t give the kid an even break.

    3rd Lesson: The first time someone calls you “Grandpa!” is when the world changes. It’s an entirely different paradigm than the first time someone calls you, “Dad!”

    Corollary to #3: The first time your daughter calls you, “Daddy!” is when you just melt into a puddle. Get used to it. It never stops. It’s a physiological condition, like an addiction. There is no cure.

    4th Lesson: Who stole my 22 y/o body and when did they replace it with this one? (I never get used to that one.)

  • JR

    If you want to deal with getting older, you need to have a sense of humour. Your body does things that make no sense and some days are well frankly, appalling. Youth in that sense, is fleeting. Learn to laugh at it.

    But when you realize how far you’ve come and that you aren’t a dumbshit or clueless anymore…The idea of trading that for going backwards is ludicrous.

    To the 16 year old? You don’t have long to wait. Here’s the deal, every one of us old farts thought that we could rule the world back at 16 (and if you think about it, it probably was true in a take no prisoners, chutzpha sort of way) and then we also remember how life kicked the shit out of us enough to temper that.

    I absolutely love 16 year olds, but I’m sorry, I’m still going to grin in a ‘there there dear’ sort of way at times when they’re talking. I just can’t help it. Doesn’t mean that you’re not interesting or don’t have an opinion, it’s just obvious that the life experience is lacking and therein lies the seeds of wisdom.

    Knowledge and wisdom are two different things. You can be chockfull of the former but you have to live long enough to earn the latter.

    My only advice? Enjoy where you are at any given age. Don’t wish away this time as once it passes, it doesn’t return. Focus on the part of it that is wonderful (and each stage has it), as aging comes soon enough. “Be here, now”.

    Because life will soon start to feel like it’s speeding up and you’ll blink and you’ll realize that it’s decades later. Our lives truly are short. Ruminate too much about the present and the future and you’ll miss what is happening right now.

  • Flash Hole

    …you listen to these “youths” speak and think to yourself, “I was never this much of a douchbag.”

    I always listen for the words, “I’m like,” in order to decide whether some youth is worth listening to.

  • http://anandspeak.wordpress.com andy

    I so totally agree with you on the ‘Be here now’ thought. At 33, there are so many realizations of the past (some with regret too) that sometimes I shudder at what I might realize when I am 43!!

    The truth is that at 16 we think that we will change the world.
    IN our twenties, we are in denial and conflict that the damn world doesn’t seem to change that easy!
    And by our thirties, we are in a comfort zone of thought that the world can go f* itself….I have too many heaches of my own….and somehow fit ourselves into the larger scheme of things.

    @Dr. Horrible…..the teenage will pass. Hope you take a printout of your comment and frame it, so that when you are 26, and chance upon it someday, you will surely have a hearty laugh!!!!

    Have a happy sunday folks!! Mine already started (writing from India).



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