Jul 21 2009
In a former life I was a recruiter for nearly 7 years before I decided to complain in my blogs for a living.Â And during that time I underwent an awful lot of rejection.Â Not necessarily that I wouldn’t get the job myself but you guys probably get the gist of it.Â We’ve all been there.Â All of us have applied for jobs and we knew deep down we never had a chance.
It was at those times I wished I had received a straight answer.Â Like why can’t an employer just say “you suck.”Â At least then I would know they didn’t like me.Â Or how about “we had 15 applicants who were WAY better than you?”
If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s these cookie cutter bullshit rejections that in all honesty deserve a punch in the face reaction.
Here are five such rejections and their true meanings
“I’ll keep my eyes and ears out for you” or “If I hear of anything I’ll let you know”
Translation: This is generally used if you call a friend and ask for referrals.Â It also happens on real interviews.Â In other words they’re really saying “You have zero chance and there’s absolutely no way I’m calling anyone to see if I can help you get a job.Â And if I do call someone I’m highly doubtful you even have a shot.Â Just get me off the phone with you will ya?”
“We’re not hiring right now but we’ll keep you in mind”
Translation:Â “Fuck off.”
“The position has already been filled”
Translation:Â This occurs like 3 weeks after you got rejected and you know for a fact that the employer is still hiring.Â In other words, they’re saying “you’re completely wrong and we’d way rather hold out for something better.”
“It’s just not the right fit”
Translation: Every single possible thing in your application is the opposite of what we’re looking for.
“Thank you for your application. We will make every effort to review it in a timely manner. Please feel free to contact us again if you have not heard back from us within two weeks.”
Translation:Â We have no idea who you are or if we even got your application.Â But we have this nice little email to mess with your head a little bit and give you false hope.
Even More Uncoachable Stuff