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Jul 17 2009

Ten Things Hugh Hefner Probably Says Before Having Sex With a New Girl

Published by at 3:20 am under Editorial,Playboy

Hugh Hefner

Ah yes, Mr. Hefner.  I’ve shined this guy for oh I don’t know, my entire life after puberty?  He’s about every single guy’s sexual idol.  We’ve made jokes like “he’s had more sex in the last week than I’ll have for the rest of my life, and he’s over 80!”  And all these things are probably true.   Hugh Hefner is the absolute beast of a man.

And while I would love to meet the guy behind Playboy someday, I like anyone else am allowed to poke fun at the old man.  Not that he’d ever read this or care.  But Hugh, consider this sort of a roast.

Enjoy ten things Hugh Hefner probably says before having sex with a new girl

Hugh Hefner

“Trust me I know what I’m doing.  Loose skin or not, you’ll enjoy this.”

Hugh Hefner

“Just remember that I probably nailed Marilyn Monroe at some point or another so pay your respects”

Hugh Hefner

“So I’m thrice you’re age?  Awesome.”

Hugh Hefner

“Viagra’s got nothing on me.”

Hugh Hefner

“I’m Hugh Hefner.  Yup.  Hugh Hefner.  So suck it.”

Hugh Hefner

“Statutory Rape Does Not Apply To the Playboy Mansion”

Hugh Hefner

“It’ll be great for your career”

Hugh Hefner

“Dentures will just get in the way”

Hugh Hefner

“If you ever ask to wear my smoking jacket again I will have you murdered.”

Hugh Hefner

“After we’re done here, you’re mine.  No, seriously, I own you now.”





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