David Ortiz finally hit a bomb the other day but let’s face it, there’s something severely wrong with the guy.  I find it quite interesting that no one has yet brought up steroids as a possible reason.  I’d have to assume that most people are thinking it but wouldn’t it at least be logical?

It’s not like Ortiz is 40 years old.  Even he’s said so himself.   So the bottom line is that something has to be wrong with the guy.  And as fantasy owners wait for the man to turn it all around for some kind of miracle rest of the season, we’re all trying to figure out what the hell this dude’s real problem is.

Well I’ve come up with some pretty legit reasons as to why Ortiz is screwing up on a consistent basis this year.

He might want to read this.

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I’ve seen only two lists that are entitled “The 10 best bikini scenes in movies.”  While the lists are decent neither are complete and one of them didn’t even have any videos.  That’s a major foul in my opinion.

So I decided to combine the two, add a bit of my own spice and form a new list that all you moviegoers can now refer to from now on as the definitive best bikini scenes in movies list.

Thanks for your time.

*Unfortunately Bo Derek was not in a bikini in 10 so I can’t include it.  Also, porn movies don’t count or this post would contain well over a million clips.

Enjoy the videos after the jump

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I used to get pissed off at pictures like these.  I used to think “what the hell is that guy doing with this girl?”  And back then (even now, sort of) I was a pretty good looking guy.  Nothing spectacular but I can certainly hold my weight in the looks department.  So I never understood and it in fact pissed me off when certain “not appealing” dudes walked around with hot women.

But now?  Now I have a couple theories which have calmed my anger quite a bit.   First of all if it’s money, you can’t get pissed.  If a dude is wealthy that’s just the way of the world.  Women will always flock to money.    Second.  Just be happy for the guy.  It means more hope for everyone.

Put it this way, if it’s not money then the guy obviously has worked very hard at his craft and deserves merit for getting the hot chick.  Sure it still gets under my skin when the Myspace Toolbox types are with hot chicks but ask yourself this question:  How sustainable are these chicks really?  I mean if King Douche is hanging out with this broad, no matter how hot she is, she’s gotta be annoying as all hell.

In any event, here are fun pictures of not so attractive dudes with hot chicks

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Click on the photo for more Nuclear Russia

Nuclear energy from Russia doesn’t bring forth the most comforting images one could think of.  The spring lambs have 3 legs, the flowers all glow in the dark, the kids have the look of the damned.  So to forget it all, Russia just made this contest called Miss Nuclear Russia.  Nice work.

More nuclear sexness (yes sexness) at Uncoached’s Facebook Group

The Portfolio

And no I’m not into pissing fetishes in case you were wondering.  Although finding these pictures did elicit an ungodly amount of “water sports” photos.   I never understood the piss and poop fetishes.  What’s so erotic about watching someone piss on the floor or another person for that matter?

And taking a crap on someone?  How the hell is that in any way erotically stimulating?  I simply don’t get it.  I mean I guess the whole “it comes out of a sexual body part” thing?  No, it’s just too gross.

But if we tone it down a notch we can at least laugh at pictures of people who clearly pissed themselves and more than likely didn’t know they were being photographed.

Enjoy

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Please for the love of God watch this whole thing.  The ending is absolutely brilliant.

I tell ya the Japanese may have their game shows but India sure knows how to entertain with martial arts.

Don’t get me wrong.  I thoroughly enjoy seeing Annette Dawn do more than just pose for pictures.  However, while some of us might think tons of pornstars are incredibly hot and could be models elsewhere I actually disagree with that.   You’d be surprised how much goes into angles, make up, etc etc.

However, of the small percentage of women in porn that I think could easily make it as models like Keeley Hazell or Lucy Pinder, Annette Dawn is at the top of the list.

Annette, don’t listen to me at all by the way.  Keep playing with yourself.  I’m just saying, if she chose to, she could be a successful pinup model.  THEN you release a sex tape, and then you can be Kim Kardashian.  It doesn’t seem that hard.

Speaking of hard, Annette after the jump

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HEAD TO FEET, RED&WHITE HAVE YA BEAT

What the hell does that even mean?  I only wish I could make up lame crap like that.  Who is this guy?  Seriously.   Who the hell is this guy?

Ah yes, I should have known.  He’s part of that wacked out crowd in Vancouver.  I tell ya Canada knows how to keep the peace but what the hell is wrong with some of these gangsta dorks?

This is one demographic I’m praying doesn’t spread.

Buble?

As the Lakers took game 2 last night in a much closer battle with the Magic, I couldn’t help but come back to the same creepy thought I’ve felt all year about the Lakers….how can I keep watching Pau Gasol?

I mean I didn’t used to feel this way about the guy.  He was a clean cut dude when he entered the league.  Much shorter hair.  It seems as though he at least cared about his grooming back then.  And trust me, I’m taking nothing away from his game.  He’s truly an all star and is easily the second biggest reason this team should win it all this year.

But now, every single time this guy makes a big shot, gets a rebound, or does anything that would elicit him to scream and do a chest bump with teammates seriously gives me the willies.

And he has to smell awful.  I mean just look at the hair and beard.  I feel for Kobe.  I’m sure he’s all shits and giggles on the outside, but inside he must be so conflicted having to touch Pau.

Come on Pau, you’re a great player but clean it up, just a little…please?