Earlier this month Miami was host to the Exxxotica convention which is about the coolest adult 3 day event of all time. When you talk about “having it all” this thing did not fail.  If I can raise enough money I’m going to this thing next year and will dedicate an entire weeks worth of posts to this event.  I’m apologizing in advance to my wife unless she wants to come with.

When you’ve got stripping, MILF Contests, cars, pool parties, and Amy Fisher hosting you know it’s gonna be a stone gas.  I can only hope that there are three days in the rest of my life that can come close to the three days in a row that is this event.

While these pictures are just a small sample, I think you’ll all get the drift.

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Every year there’s some dude averaging like 38 pts and 15 rebounds (in 32 minutes) in some high school out there.  In fact there are lots of guys doing that.  It tends to happen when you have a college or even NBA body trapped inside a high school aged kid.  This is the profile of a top college recruit and these kids have been hounded by universities since the 5th grade.

However, only a handful make it to the pros and not all the top recruits wind up being college stars.   But even though these kids might not make it past the NCAA it doesn’t change how dominant they were in high school.  And man is it fun to watch them destroy the competition.

Here are ten pretty sweet highlight videos from top basketball recruits from around the country (and the schools they’re committed to)

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Click on the photo for another edition of Hotties in the Wild

As I send you off into that good weekend I want you to remember something kids.  There’s a lot of dangerous diseases out there stemming from rampant sex with strangers.  Don’t be a food, wrap your tool.

More tool wrapping worthy girls at Uncoached’s Facebook Group

Or you can follow me on Twitter

The Funbag

The World’s largest body paint soccer babe bonanza – [COED Magazine]

Woman explodes boyfriend’s penis with firecracker – [Asylum]

If 9 stars had lived long enough (to embarrass themselves) – [Cracked]

The best fan humping a reporter video ever – [Manofest]

Vikings Legend wants Brett Favre to fail – [Withleather]

How to keep a woman interested in you – [Bullz-Eye]

Paris Hilton couldn’t be more worthless if she tried – [Dailyfill]

Katy Perry looking quite leggish in Japan – [NS4w]

What’s better than explosions and boobs? – [Attuworld]

Hottest News Reporter ever goes on radio – [Flabber]

Jessica Biel getting fit in her spandex – [Celebrity Odor]

Meet the philosophical bouncer – [Collegehumor]

This is amazing:  Gloucestershire Cheese rolling 2009 – [Barstool Sports]

The deleted scene from Terminator Salvation – [The Bachelor Guy]

Would you motorboat Tori Spelling’s cleavage? – [Don Chavez]

This might be the worst breakup story ever – [Tastybooze]

In case you missed the incredible funbags of hump day – [Funtasticus]

Drunk Girl vs. Table – [Cityrag]

Here is a cool Lady Gaga Article – [Meet The Famous]

Click on the photo for more of Theresa Correa

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I think Theresa should be in the top 10 for bikini models.  I don’t know if there’s some kind of contest but damn it she should be way up there.  

More bikini girls at Uncoached’s Facebook Group

The Portfolio

I really wish that Nacho Libre had never come out.   Because in all honesty, the Mexican Wrestler is a fantastic subject of study.   A small excerpt showed me this:

In 1942, lucha libre would be forever changed when a silver-masked wrestler, known simply as El Santo (The Saint), first stepped into the ring. He made his debut in Mexico City by winning an 8-man battle royal. The public became enamored by the mystique and secrecy of Santo’s personality and he quickly became the most popular luchador in Mexico.

Basically since 1942 we’ve seen a rise in masks and insanity in the Mexican wrestling genre.  We’ve also seen an increase in men being out of shape and dressing as overweight women as part of their regimen.

These guys are nuts and way more entertaining than our WWE guys.

Check out this gallery after the jump

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OK I thought it was the Japanese Gameshow genre that made me laugh my ass off the most.    Clearly I was wrong.

When an entire video is dedicated to the phrase “I Have a Bad case of Diarrhea” with women in workout uniforms chanting it repeatedly, it’s time to hand over the crown to whoever produced this thing.

Every once in a while we just like to get down and dirty.  And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.  At those times we might not even require the hottest of women.  Just women that turn us on.  Well Ivy Madd has a little of both on her Myspace Profile.

She’s the type that has a ton of tattoos, does weird stuff with MMA fights, and yet could easily be the girl next door type if she really wanted to.  Although something tells me she doesn’t want to…at all.

I don’t know man, something tells me that a weekend in with Ivy would be quite a challenge.

More Madd after the jump

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I know a few folks from Boston.  I know a few folks who live in the suburbs of Massachusetts.  And if there’s one thing I know it’s that these guys would NOT tolerate what is happening in their state.

Somehow, some way, this Long Island, Bronx, Brooklyn, assbag contingent is making its mark up in the Northeast.  I don’t know what guido genius is spreading this rhetoric but it looks like the losers of Beantown are following.

It’s just a sad state of affairs

Everyone still thinks I’m huge,” says Hart, 33, whose post-pregnancy body was the subject of cruel Internet attacks after she gave birth to sons Mason, 3, and Braydon, 14 months, with husband, Course of Nature lead singer Mark Wilkerson, 32. “But I’m not anymore!”
Hart understands the confusion. After all, the public has grown accustomed to seeing celebs get back in their skinny jeans mere weeks after giving birth. “There are enormous pressures put on you in Hollywood,” she says.

A couple of things.  Was Melissa Joan Hart ever attractive?  Once.  She was ONE time and it was in Maxim when she was 100% airbrushed and even then she still looked like herself, which isn’t attractive.

Let’s move on to point two.  Is it people like Melissa Joan Hart we’re supposed to be looking up to here?  Shouldn’t the goal be to NOT gain 42 lbs in the first place.?  We give too much merit to those that are already well overweight who lose weight.   Again, don’t get me wrong.  If you lose weight it’s great.  I’m not discounting it in any way….but….

More credit should go to those that stay in shape and not those who don’t have the discipline to keep it off.   Congratulations to Melissa.  Yay for you.  But where has this woman been all this time?  Why is this the cover of People Magazine?

Again, I don’t understand this crap.  You know who should be on the cover of fitness stuff?  People like Lisa Rinna.  People like Jane Fonda.  How to be fit and STAY fit.

Not it’s not like I’m doing a running series on car wash girls.  It’s just that the  great weather is creeping up on us in a big way.  And what better a way to spend a nice sunny Sunday in the spring time (well, actually any day of the week would be nice) watching sexy ladies getting sudsy while your car gets clean?

Oh yeah that’s right, there aren’t nearly enough bikini car wash operations out these days.  Tell you what fellas.  Each person reading this article contribute one dollar to me.  If we come up with enough cash I will promise to put up a down payment on the first “Uncoached” car wash featuring nothing but hotness washing your car.

How is this not one of the top businesses in warm weather states?

More suds after the jump

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