There are truly no words to describe this.  I can only hope that someday when I run a company comprised of all men and we achieve some great milestone, that we head on down to the waterpark, play ridiculous Indian music, and dance with our clothes on (in the water).

What a great day that must have been.

Well she’s blond, has a Russian/Polish type last name, and hails from Brazil?  Where do I sign?  Elisandra Tomacheski is one hot little number.  And she’s not that crazy hot booty body type that I sometimes post.  Elisandra is just flat out gorgeous and has one of those “I’d marry her” faces.

Speaking of marriage, good lord I’m getting married in like 3 weeks.  Does that mean I have to stop doing my “She’s Uncoachable” posts once my woman has put the vice on my testes?

Um, no, it doesn’t mean that at all.  It means she better have my dinner cooked five times a week or I’m raising hell.  Just kidding honey!

Elisandra cooks my meals after the jump

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I don’t care how many pictures this guy has with people like Kenny Smith and rapper pirates, or that he drives a nice car.  Bottom line is that he’s still white, still played video games as a kid and still sits down when he pisses.

Yeah I made that up but can’t you see this dude as the type that pisses sitting down every single time he has to whiz?  I do.   I feel like this guy has no identity.

Breathe Harder

EA Sports.  It’s in the game.  Well apparently not.  Apparently it’s shipped in a box and is used for beating the crap out of people.    For those of you that don’t know, EA Sports is the proud producer of the video game The Godfather.

As part of the promotion for the original video game, EA tossed a bunch of oranges onto the streets of some major cities. For The Godfather II, EA did something different and shipped some reviewers of the game a set of brass knuckles. You may be wondering what exactly brass knuckles have to do with the game. The game gives players upgrades as they take over crime rings that vary from armored cars to bullet proof vests; one of these upgrades is a set of brass knuckles. 

EA quickly realized the error in sending the brass knuckles due to the fact that they are considered illegal weapons in some states.  Problem is, by asking for them back, aren’t consumers breaking the law by sending them?  Mmmmm?  Mmmmm?

“How about a Fresca?”

Let’s Face it, Carrot Top has never been a normal looking dude.  He was always a little wacky looking and that always played very well into his act.  And we all know about the steroid usage over the years.  Hell, Carrot Top is literally the size of a linebacker these days.  But since when were steroids synonymous with 8000 face lifts, collagen injections and whatever the hell was done to his eyebrows?

I swear to God people, if you want your lives to stay the same then do not look at this gallery.  However, if you want to have an experience similar to the one you might have after watching The Exorcist, then take a look at the pictures below.

May I present the scariest pictures of Carrot Top (with captions)

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You know how when you’re watching a cheerleading squad perform and you kind of wish they were just as wild off the field as they appear to look on the field?  I mean you kind of know that perhaps the girls aren’t doing splits all the time and looking all seductive like they do.  Afterall it’s real life when they’re not performing.

One would think that perhaps a bit of class should be displayed when not performing.  Well, for those of you who wish to see the same dirty exploits as the splits and near lap dance type performances on the field in an off field setting, you are in luck.

The ladies of the New York Titans lacrosse team do just that.  Thanks to their star (or at least my star) Doris (also member of the Jets cheerleaders), this team loves to show the goods

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Click on the photo for more Sophie Monk

I’m really all out of dialogue right now.  All I can tell you all is that I have a bachelor party coming up on this Friday.  Honey, if you are reading this….don’t.  Just don’t read it at all.  Be afraid.  Be VERY afraid.  Bad things will happen that evening.  I will more than likely puke before even making it to the strip club.  Relax sweetheart.

For more puking head to Uncoached’s Facebook Group

Or you can follow me on Twitter

The Tips

Sure I’ll take a gallery of Denise Milani – [Askmen]

An amazing Son of a Bitch video – [Gorillamask]

The World’s tightest pants, how did she get them on? – [Nuts]

Your business card is crap – [Collegehumor]

My dream come true: Defacing Carlos Mencia – [Asylum]

One of the funniest fat girl rollercoaster videos – [Flabber]

Lauren Pope is all boobs and blond – [Attuworld]

Jesikah Maximus is Model Hot – [Right Television]

Karlie likes muscles before you have sex with her – [HGOM]

Check out this one in a million hoops shot – [NS4W]

Just in case you missed any hot Easter bunny babes – [Spike]

The top ten celebrities who had abortions – [Gunaxin]

Awesome hair photoshops of celebrities – [Cityrag]

Cute little traffic girl decides to rap it up for you – [Humorpass]

13 Comic Actors in Creature Makeup – [Screenjunkies]

Talk about tough, Joe Martinez doesn’t mess around – [Withleather]

Beer bath at soccer game looks like Bukkake session – [Tastybooze]

Susan Boyle’s got talent – [Totally Crap]

Click on the photo for more sister action

Busted Coverage continues to work its way through the country finding college chick after college chick.  I’m gonna have to step up my game and find more drunk pictures of cheerleaders.  Last week, they took us to find the hotties of the mid majors and landed on some hotties in Ohio.

More college cuties at Uncoached’s Facebook Group

Enjoy the rest of the portfolio

What in God’s name is a Meme?  All I know is that the word Meme is extremely popular on the internet these days so I’m not gonna fight it.  But here is the definition:

A meme (pronounced /miːm/ – like theme), a postulated unit or element of cultural ideas, symbols or practices, gets transmitted from one mind to another through speech, gestures, rituals, or other imitable phenomena. (The etymology of the term relates to the Greek word mimema for “something imitated”.) Supporters of the concept of memes believe that they act as cultural analogues to genes, in that they self-replicate and respond to selective pressures.

What does this exactly have to do with rapper Xzibit?  Not a whole lot except the fact that some jokester decided to whip up a bunch of borderline hilarious meme posters of the man.

These couldn’t be any more random if they tried, but I just love the look on his face in every one of these

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