Apr 22 2009
As you all know I take some serious pride in making fun of total jackasses.Â Any newcomers here can see the rants in the Myspace Toolbox archives.Â But don’t these guys deserve it?Â There’s just so much trash out there that it’s really disgusting and the bottom line is that we need to clean it up.
So I’ve gone around, looked at my archives as well as those from Hot Chicks with Douchebags and Big Stupid Idiot to find 10 types of guys that just shouldn’t exist.Â These are the types that have to realize that they’re “that guy.”Â And if they don’t, I’m pointing it out.
Also for anyone thinking I copied this article?Â I’ve been writing the Myspace Toolbox for over a year.Â Screw yourselves.
Pictures and descriptions after the jump
Â Skinny Guy Who Shows off Abs
These are the little schmucks that will do anything and everything to show off their abs.Â It’s just too bad they weigh maybe 90 lbs and have nothing but a flat stomach.Â Do chicks really like this stuff?
Let’s face it asswipe.Â You don’t drink.Â At least you’re not a hardcore drinker like a true alcoholic who sips on a glass of whiskey on the rocks at the bar.Â You’re pretending to down Grey Goose to look cool in a picture.Â No.
Hand Gesture Guy
Without fail, this guy will always make some sort of signal or hand gesture in a picture.Â Why?Â Cut it out man, seriously.
Mirror Picture Guy
Inevitably most of these pictures are taken with cell phones and they generally store about 1000 pictures in their phones.Â Um, I’m looking right at you in person f*&kface.Â Why do I need to see another 75 pictures on your camera phone?Â Could you be more of a cocky prick?
Mushroom Head Guy
100 lbs of Gel and put it straight up.Â Seems like a great look for the aspiring STD receiver. Â And who are these girls?Â Come on ladies.Â Get your heads together, please.
Over the Hill Guy
Buddy.Â You HAVE to know you’re at least 30 years older than everyone at the bar.Â Shouldn’t you go home and change your depends guy?Â I mean shouldn’t you have mailed it in by now?
The Third Wheel Guy
Sucks to be the loser of the group guy.Â You just sit there all quiet and only speak when spoken to.Â What a horrible life.Â I’d rather play video games alone.
I’m getting way too angry to write.
Oompa Loompa doompity doo.Â That sh*t never gets old.
Plain Loser Guy
Let’s just face it, if you look like this dude there’s no hope for you……ever.
Even More Uncoachable Stuff