Mar 24 2009
When Pissing Sitting Down is Acceptable for a Male
I piss sitting down. Yeah that’s right I admit it. From time to time I enjoy it. I don’t do it all the time but when I do I don’t feel bad about it. And you know something else? I can also grow a beard, shoot a basketball extremely well, and masturbate better than 99% of the people I know. So while I may be construed as somewhat less masculine because I choose to relief myself sitting, I still hold many of the heterosexual male qualities that are so vital in my life.
And believe me dudes, there’s nothing to be ashamed of here. There are many times when popping a squat in a situation other than the runs or a serious bomb waiting to happen is acceptable.
But there are four I’d like to discuss
When you’re exhausted
Look, we’ve all been there. We’ve all had crazy days where we might be playing sports, going out for a while, drinking until you pretty much can’t stand etc etc. And quite frankly the idea of standing up any longer just pisses (pun intended) me off. At that point I think it’s quite alright to pop a squat on the toilet.
To Get Things Back on Track
Let’s say you’ve been in a real “missing the bowl” funk. You’ve got piss stains on the floor. Your girlfriend has actually complained to you that she sat on piss one day. Well, sometimes a little positive reinforcement is all it takes. Sit on the bowl a few times, see how clean it is, and then try again. You might pay more attention this time.
When You’re Dropping A Deuce
This one’s obvious. And honestly there’s no better relief than pissing and pooing at the same time.
When accepting that you like it even though you’re not a woman
I’ve come to grips with my masculinity, have you? Just sit on that bowl. Take a piss and realize that while you’re doing it, it doesn’t mean that you like puppies and flowers. It just means you’d rather piss sitting down sometimes. That’s all.
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Larry David addressed this in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
I only stand up these days if I’m at a urinal.
I think there a couple more instances where it’s OK:
-In the middle of the night. You don’t want to turn on the lights, you’re stilll half asleep and can’t see where you’re aiming, and you can just slide down your elastic banded shorts with ease.
-When you’re at someone else’s house. You don’t want to risk getting piss on their carpets or piss stains on their toilet bowl rim. Plus, you never know how sound proof the door is. You don’t want everyone hearing your stream hitting the water a la Frank Drebin in Naked Gun.