Mar 20 2009
Do you never drive around and spot a van that makes you think to yourself “man there’s some messed up stuff going on in that van?”Â You just know and you don’t know how you know, but you do.Â Maybe it’s the rust.Â Maybe it’s the fact that a van is longer than a normal car making it easier to lay down a body flat.
I can’t pinpoint what it is about a van that gives off this vibe, but whatever it is, it’s certainly there.Â Â I don’t want a van.Â I’ll never drive a van.Â And those that drive vans that look shady should seriously consider a new van.
Here are 10 vans ideal for kidnapping
Thanks to Shady Vans for some of these.
The White, Semi Dirty, Multiple Doored Van
Ideal for shoving two kids in at once.
The Old Sticker Van
Ideal for visual stimulation
The First Student Van
Whatever that hell that is, it’s shady.
The Rusty Van
Ideal for not hiding the fact that you’ll be kidnapping someone at some point
The Blue Shiny Van
Perfect for driving in circles waiting on kids
The Pseudo Uncle Rico Van
Ideal for posing as an ice cream dealer
The Window Shade Van
Ideal for giving kids a view of the street
The Abandoned Motel Van
Ideal for disguise as car that looks broken down even though it’s not.
The Candy Van
Sure I’ll buy candy from them.
The Voting Van
Even More Uncoachable Stuff