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Feb 17 2009

The Chauvenist’s Guide to Why Handsome Men Make Great Husbands

Published by at 3:20 am under Editorial


I recently read an article entitled “Why handsome men make bad husbands,” from Psychology today.

Handsome men on average make bad husbands. Men can maximize their reproductive success by pursuing one of two different strategies: Seek a long-term mate, stay with her, and invest in their joint offspring (the “dad” strategy); or seek a large number of short-term mates without investing in any of the resulting offspring (the “cad” strategy). All men may want to pursue the cad strategy; however, their choice of the mating strategy is constrained by female choice.  Men do not get to decide with whom to have sex; women do.

Essentially what this is saying is that the more a man enters the woman’s position of choice, the worse off the marriage becomes.  A handsome man is ultimately put in the hot girl’s position and therefore in a position of power and unrest for the female.

That’s if you read between the lines, which I’m an expert at doing.  However, let us look at it from a beneficial point of view.

Here are 5 reasons why handsome men make great husbands…at least for the superficial and chauvenist side of us.

1.  Being better looking than your partner puts you in a ridiculous position of power


Think about it.  You got your woman on her toes.  Ever been infatuated with a girl and realize that she has complete control over you?  Hell you’d cut off your left ball to please her.  Well, if you’re a good looking guy there’s a good chance you’d have this hold over a woman.  Imagine having that hold in a marriage…..for life!  Now that’s a world I want to live in.

2.  You can pick and choose your affairs, they don’t choose you


If you’re an ugly dude and get tired of your wife, you don’t really get to choose who you’re gonna cheat on your wife with.  You’ll take whoever you can get.  If you’re good looking, every dude’s wife is gonna think “man, why can’t I have a husband like that?”  You get your pick of the bunch.  Hells yeah.

3.  Being abusive is accepted


Don’t want to do my laundry?  Fine, I’ll just leave you and you won’t get a guy as good looking as me.  Not gonna cook for me?  Fine, go find an ugly dude to cook for.  And so on and so on.

4.  Any kind of sex you want


If you’re a good looking guy your woman is gonna become the “thankful” type.  You’ll get it so burned in her head that she’s lucky to be having sex with a man like you that you’ll be getting BJ’s morning noon and night.  And anal?  Forget about it.  It’s easy as pie!

5.  Amazing Stories to Tell Your Guy Friends


Can you imagine how much fun stuff will go on in a marriage where you basically “own” your wife?  Think about the stories.  Think about how jealous your loser friends that are married will be.  Talk about material, you’ll never run out.

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