Choosing a child’s name has more of an impact than one could imagine.  I mean you’ve got your obvious ones like “Hitler.” Naming your kid Hitler or even Rasputin for that matter probably doesn’t set your kid up to have a promising future.

But then there’s those people that name their kids with names that they seem to think are awesome.  Maybe the names are trendy or evoke some kind of “coolness.”

Well I’m here to set the record straight.  Some names just don’t cut it.  And no matter how cool the person is, I’ll just never buy it.  If you have these names, there’s no chance we’ll ever make it as friends.

Hunter

The name hunter itself means “pursuer” or “hunter.”  However, it really means born of douchebag origin, plaid pants, and a very strong penchant for putting roofies in young ladies drinks.

Trip

No chance there’s a Trip and he’s not a Trip Jr.  I just don’t buy it.  I couldn’t even find a baby name thing for Trip so here’s the definition.  Skinny guy who thinks he’s really good at golf but realistically he’s had lessons his whole life and still sucks.  He’ll never work a day in his life and if he does he bitches the whole time and then spends it all on coke.

Bryce

Bryce?  How could you possibly be a good guy with the name Bryce?  Honestly I have nothing to say here other than it’s not possible to be cool with the name Bryce.

Spencer

I was wavering on this one but come on.  Have you ever met a good Spencer?  Spence?  It gives off this Lacrosse Player, gets really drunk and hazes the crap out of freshman vibe doesn’t it?  Eh.  Screw Spencers.  No thanks.

Cooper

Hey let’s go sailing!

Chandler

Hey let’s buy tight pants and get beat up on a regular basis as a 5 year old because my name is Chandler!

Jesus

I think you gotta blame the parents more for this one.  But then you have to also realize that the dumbass people that named this kid more than likely passed on some crappy genes.  Odds are the kid sucks.

Shlomo

I had to get a Jewish name in there.  Shlomo is far and away the most made fun of Jewish name even by Jewish people (like me).  I would get a real kick out of seeing a really muscular good looking guy named Shlomo.  Is that even possible?