So yes, it’s less than four months from now and the impending chopping of my most private of parts will take place on a little island in South Carolina.  My little bride-to-be and I are going to exchange our vows (no we won’t actually, vows are lame) and I will officially become a eunuch.

Not that I’m unhappy about this in any way.  I look forward to never receiving head again and yielding to every single thing the little five footer tells me.  One thing I’m psyched about though, is our location for the wedding.

But man would you be surprised at some of the crappy places people get married at.  Here are five that really blow.

Taco Bell

If any of you guys followed the news you may have read this story a couple of weeks ago.

Customers inside the fast-food restaurant continued to order tacos and burritos as the couple sat Friday in an orange booth at Taco Bell and exchanged vows.

“It’s appropriate,” groom Paul Brooks said. “It’s an offbeat relationship.” Employees displayed hot sauce packets labeled with the words “Will you marry me?” They decorated the restaurant with streamers and balloons.

I have nothing to say here.  Seriously.  What kind of a woman accepts this?  I mean really?  Taco Bell?  What the hell is going on?

Prison

I realize that some people don’t have a chance to get married anywhere else.  But I gotta say, if you’re a guy or girl who’s not in jail and you go to a jail to marry someone in that jail?  That’s just God awful.   I guess if the person wasn’t guilty it’s sort of OK.  But no, it’s just not.   I really can’t find any justifiable reasons to have a wedding in a jail unless it’s two dudes who fell in love.

Graveyard

True story from a girl on a forum about marriages:

  “A hairdresser at a salon I used to go to was married at a cemetery on Halloween. Her bridesmaids and groomsmen all wore purple, black, and orange. She wore a black-and-red-dyed wedding gown, and all of her photos were taken next to headstones.”

This sounds like one of the dumbest ideas I’ve ever heard.  The only people I could see getting married at a cemetery would be Emo’s and I already feel that they should make something called Emo Island where Emo’s are dropped there with no food or water like in the movie No Escape.

Barnes and Noble

Another wedding forum story:

“I saw a couple who got married at a Barnes & Noble because that’s where they met. The store didn’t close, but they said that for the duration of the ceremony, they wouldn’t ring up any transactions.”

Dude, it’s a bookstore.  Come on.  Is that really necessary?  Just because you met there?  OK, you can visit the damned place after you get married to get all nostalgic but getting married there?  This is one of those situations where you say “oh wow, that’s so cool” but you realize if you actually did it you’d be a moron.

Garbage Dump

If you don’t believe me, here is the story.  Yes, two people got married at a garbage dump, and people get married at garbage dumps more than once a year which is one too many times.

About 250 people attended the wedding, standing on either side of a red carpet laid in the middle of the dump.

That’s just how you want to come home from a wedding…smelling like sh*t.