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Jan 22 2009

5 Obvious Signs a Heterosexual Male isn’t even Remotely Funny

Published by at 5:20 am under Editorial

Dane Cook

The only reason I use heterosexual male in my title here is because I’m referring to the typical reader of this site.  Most of you guys out there are between 18-40 years old, single, and heterosexual.   At least that’s what my demographics are saying.

So by no means is this any knock on homosexuals.  I have zero problem with that and have plenty of gay friends.  I just felt the need to write this article because boy have I met some square dudes in my day.

And for the life of me I simply can’t understand how unfunny some people can be.

1.  He uses OMG!!! in Emails

Uncool Guy

OK, gay or heterosexual.  Have you ever met a male in your life that used the term OMG!!! (and I stress the exclamation points) and actually meant it, that was funny?  I mean I can see using OMG in a way that would make fun of people that could generate a laugh but having that in your daily repertoire will not fly in my book.

2.  He dyes his hair blond with the intention of getting girls

Uncool Guy

Yup, I’m sure this guy is hilarious

Well not only does this mean he’s not funny.  It means he’s a complete tool.  I don’t mind skater dudes or extreme athletes doing this stuff.  But if your some regular joe dying your hair because you think and I quote an actual person here, “the ladies love it” then your sense of humor simply doesn’t exist.

3.  He sends you this video because he thinks it’s hilarious

I happen to know of a true case where one of my friends was sent this video by a male who cast himself off as being cool more often than not.  My buddy receives an email that says and I quote “You HAVE to see this video.  It’s unbelievable.  If I had a website I’d put it up like right now.  It would get so much traffic!

4.  He Doesn’t Think the Show Seinfeld was Good

Uncool Guy

Anyone who doesn’t think this show was good is not only unfunny, they’re a total moron as well.

5.  He wears Hawaiian Shirts way too often

Uncool Guy

Wearing a Hawaiian shirt is definitely acceptable in Hawaii.  It’s acceptable on Hawaiian shirt day.  But if you’re making a habit of wearing short sleeved Hawaiian shirts, then you really have problems.  There’s just no way you’re funny.

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