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Oct 20 2008

Where will These Scandalous Five College Students Be in Five Years?

Published by at 3:20 am under College,News

Student Scandals

Have fun in the slammer sweety

People fade and they fade fast.  It’s just the nature of the news.  A story generally lasts a week at best and then people file the story away only to be forgotten shortly thereafter.  And most times we don’t really get wind of some fantastic college scandals that hit the news rags.

But there are 5 in particular that seem to be popular (if only for that one week) that I’d like to revisit in some time.  And the reason is that I think these people are going to be doing some interesting things…..or not.

Here are 5 students who I’ll be curious about in five years.

David Kernell – University of Tennessee

Student Scandals

Kernell is the guy who allegedly hacked into Sarah Palin’s email account:  Full Story

Prediction:  Amass the greatest selling Sarah Palin porn photoshopped calendar in history (because the other 15 Sarah Palin porn photoshopped calendars just weren’t “tasteful” enough), wind up sleeping with Bristol Palin and eventually hacking into the political section of CNN making the homepage say “Sarah, I’m Still Watching You”

Jocelyn Kirsch – Drexel University

Student Scandals

She was just sentenced to five years for an identity theft scheme – Full Story

Prediction:  Just out of prison, she gets extremely fat and watches re-runs of “Sex and the City” for close to 24 hours a day for one year.  After that, she tries out Amway.

Natalie Dylan – Sacramento State

Student Scandals

The girl who is offering up her virginity for way too much money – Full Story

Prediction:  She’ll end up blowing her $3.8MM on plastic surgery and become a washed up Pornstar.  Eventually looks up Heidi Fleiss to start a Madame service that fails because both of their sets of collagen lips are just too scary to look at.

Lena Chen – Harvard

Student Scandals

She made a sex tape that most people really didn’t want to see – Full Story (link uses strong language)

Prediction:  Creates “Ivyleaguerompstomp.com” which becomes an Ivy League fetish website that winds up making millions.  People will still think she’s unattractive and she’ll wind up splitting another atom.

Casper Desfeux – Yale

Student Scandals

He took advantage of a girl and filmed himself having sex with her – Full Story

Goes on a roofie spree and has sex with unsuspecting girls as they sleep, all while uttering the phrase “Shhhh.  It’s Casper” into their ears (those who got that reference, those who didn’t too bad).  Eventually he’ll get a job on wall street and brag about all his sexual escapades that were really just nights of him getting girls completely smashed.  Oh yes, he’ll be addicted to cocaine and an adulterer as well.

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