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Oct 15 2008

Can Someone Please Explain to Me How These are Kids Shows?

Published by at 5:20 am under Oddly Enough


OK let’s face it.  Kids shows are really weird.  Sometimes beyond weird.  I for one as an adult have tried my best to stop understanding why a teletubby has so much appeal to a 3 year old.  I’ve stopped pondering why the penis-like nose of a Sponge Bob or whacky voice of Barney holds the attention of kids.

Unless our children are in fact aliens from another planet eventually planning to take our world, which seems like a more plausible explanation to me.  Whatever it is, children’s shows are pretty freaky to me.

And not only weird and scary, pretty inappropriate as well.  Here are 8 videos to prove my point.  The fact that these are actual shows (and movies) baffles me.

Teletubby Accidental Porn


Japanese Toilet Training

What? WHAT?

British Television Show “Rainbow”

Now this is how you learn to get ass.

Kids Incorporated

If you go on a date and it’s paid for? You owe the guy sex, period.

The Sponge Bob Ones

Check out the one where he licks the sand.

Ok, What the hell is this? Wiggles?

This just gave me nightmares.

Some Creepy Clay Video That was Banned

How in the world could any kid enjoy this?

Little Mermaid Erection

I don’t know how they slipped that in there, but it’s damned funny

Even More Uncoachable Stuff

30 responses so far

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  • matt

    rainbows is fake – its an old sketch, epic fail, otherwise good list

  • Elija

    The Rainbow thing wasn’t for broadcast. It was made for the ITV Christmas party. Very funny though :D

  • Dr Teeth

    The rainbow sketch was never released on TV and certainly doesn’t reflect accurately the Rainbow TV series.

    The Rainbow team did this routine for a laugh and had no intention of showing it to children.

    So if your looking for more double entendres from other Rainbow programs you will be sorely disappointed.

  • mmm

    mmm jane in rainbow mmm

    shame shes probably a bit wrinkly now…

  • http://www.esotechnica.co.uk/ Simon

    The infamous Rainbow “Twangers” episode is one of many that were produced for the Thames TV Christmas parties in the ’70s… lots of spoof sketches were produced “on the quiet” during the year… apparently Twangers won that year :-)

  • http://www.anewbandaday.com Joe | A New Band A Day.com

    I watched rainbow when I was a kid. Now I know who to blame for my moronically childish sense of humour.

  • http://www.mrdandy.com Mr.Dandy

    That claymation video was never banned. In fact they still show in on cable sometimes. It’s from a movie called “The Adventures of Mark Twain”, 1986. That scene might be a bit trippy for young kids, but the movie is very imaginative, with great art design and animation. It was also the first full-length claymation film ever.


  • Jon

    The rainbow one is famously “not real” – it was filmed as a joke

  • PlasmaCartWheel

    Of course, I remember growing up with shows like “The Adventures of Mark Twain.” Shows were edgier in the 70s and 80s, philosophically…

    It was the drugs.

  • Jummy JoMo

    Wow, I just love Spongebob and Patrick!


  • Olde England

    I’m surprised that one of the best naming c**kups of the late 1980′s early 1990′s wasn’t listed: For about three years “Blue Peter” ran as a childrens’ television show, before the politically correct brigade realised that the phrase itself meant “Cold Penis” in some local UK dialects.
    While the show itself espoused social thinking that is now somewhat frowned-upon, it certainly by virtue of name alone merits inclusion here.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpSAr74VU2I Bend ME

    He forgot one more, the 80′s produced several series of kid sing alongs called Kid’s Songs. This one in particular, “Bend me Shape Me” is about someone being controlled sexually. But not only are kids singing it, they do it while dawned in gwady 80′s gymnastics leotards. And I thought it was about tumbling.


  • http://www.dragonsmind.com Willis

    Oh, lets keep commenting on how Rainbow was not made for tv but as a private joke!

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  • Nezzle

    You forgot the late great Roy Castle helping the bloke break the world record for smoking the most cigarettes at one time, on Record Breakers.

    Now that is a clip you will never see again (unless someone has an old VHS copy of the show…..)

  • Some Guy

    The 7th one or so down, the one that was supposedly “banned,” is as someone pointed out above.

    The short story it’s specifically based off of is The Mysterious Stranger. That is just one part within the story. Interesting to note that Mark Twain never finished the various versions of the story.


  • smith

    The claymation was from a Mark Twain-based movie, to say it’s just some “banned thing no kids would enjoy” is beyond ignorant.

  • John

    You forgot Xuxa

  • Jamie

    As for the little mermaid clip, I noticed this “little problem” when the vhs tape first came out. If you continue to watch the movie a few minutes past the erection scene you can see the animators had meant for that to be the (??priest’s??) knee. He will later turn so that he is no longer in profile and the image of his erection can obviously seen as his legs. That is not to say this wasnt totally bad judgement on disney’s part since this debate has been raging for over a decade.

  • http://www.acidhedz.com ryan

    Pretty funny stuff. Personally im an advocate for advanced teaching. Start with abc’s and 123′s early. Use shows like sesame street to make it fun. People learn through hearing and seeing, so if you have a kid watching some mindless crap like tellitubbies the brain turns to mush. As they get older, let them watch the toons they like, but throw in stuff like schoolhouse rock too. I watched those and reading rainbow as a kid and ive been reading at college level since first grade. And reading is the key to learning.

    As for The little mermaid bit, yeah its a bit funny, but if you take the time to look for odd ball stuff in any movie(any place really, if you look at the statues of walt disney and mickey jussssst right, you get a funny picture) you will find it. Its called forced perspective, and matrixing. When your mind sees something (the movement of the priests knees, the reflection of trees in a window) as something else(an erection, a face or person).

  • Tira

    Little Mermaid priest isn’t sporting a boner. It’s his knees. Now, the penis tower on the original VHS art remains a mystery.

  • http://www.sonicpublishing.com Ron Fontes

    the “Creepy Clay Video That Was Banned’ is “The Adventures of Mark Twain” by Will Vinton’s Claymation Studios. i don’t think it was banned anywhere.

    I’m in children’s books and I’m not exactly sure where you’re coming from. You certainly can’t speak for children. You have a very rigid idea of what is suitable and you see an “erection” in a windblown jacket.

  • Bex

    Hey, on the Kids Incorporated video, that shorter blonde girl is Stacy Ferguson, aka Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas.

  • http://none avalon monroe

    I watched pinwheel growing up and turned out gay. thanks


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  • http://www.boredquiz.com/ Bored

    they are aliens



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