Sep 30 2008
For the life of me I can’t understand how some mascots come to be. I feel like it’s a group of guys sitting in a room smoking pot saying, “dude, how weird can we make this thing?”
How is it possible to have a team name like Chiefs and wind up with a wolf as the mascot? How do you have a team that represents a bunch of fish and then have something that looks like an alien?
For whatever reason, ownership approves of mascots that in no way represent what I assumed the team is supposed to represent: their city, name, culture, whatever, anything but whatever the hell these mascots represent.
Here is a small collection of mascots that make zero sense to me.
“Big Red” – Western Kentucky
This guy should be on Sesame Street and not parading around the sidelines. That or trying to pick up 6 year old chicks.
Rockysaurus – Colorado Rockies
I don’t get it. It’s a dinosaur. Isn’t this the Rockies? Could they not have come up with something better having to do with mountains, or mile high? How about a plane or something? Maybe a big rock?
A Very Scary Pac Man
This one just freaks me out.
Some fiery weird thing for a Soccer Team
What the hell is it doing walking around a team practice?
Youppi – Montreal Canadiens
Youppi? What the hell is a youppi? Looks like a Jim Hensen character to me. Amazingly enough this mascot is in the hall of fame for mascots and was the first mascot that ever got transferred (used to be the Expos Mascot). Still though, it doesn’t seem very Canadian. I don’t get it.
Thunder – Golden State Warriors
Wait a minute. Aren’t these the Warriors? This thing just looks like an alien. Would have been cool if they had that little dude from Golden Axe or someone with a Sword and Armor. This is no warrior.
Phillie Phanatic – Philadelphia Phillies
OK. A phallic nose and a big green monster like body. Sure it’s a known mascot but what the hell does it have to do with the Phillies? Granted I love the Phillie Phanatic though.
Octopus – Detroit Red Wings
OK I’ll never understand the throwing of the Octopus onto the ice for good luck but come on. There’s no evidence of any mascot with any kind of Red Wing whatsoever. How hard could that be? Detroit Red Wings? Just give the Octopus a red wing arm or something.
K.C. Wolf – Kansas City Chiefs
It’s a wolf on the CHIEFS. Alrighty then.
How hard is it to have a Sting Ray of a team called the Rays? P.S. This is an old mascot. Now their mascot has a beam of Sunshine. Man that’s gay.
South Paw – Chicago White Sox
They couldn’t get a dirty sock? That would have been awesome.
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