Sep 30 2008
A Collection of Athletic Mascots That Make Zero Sense to Me
For the life of me I can’t understand how some mascots come to be. I feel like it’s a group of guys sitting in a room smoking pot saying, “dude, how weird can we make this thing?”
How is it possible to have a team name like Chiefs and wind up with a wolf as the mascot? How do you have a team that represents a bunch of fish and then have something that looks like an alien?
For whatever reason, ownership approves of mascots that in no way represent what I assumed the team is supposed to represent: their city, name, culture, whatever, anything but whatever the hell these mascots represent.
Here is a small collection of mascots that make zero sense to me.
“Big Red” - Western Kentucky
This guy should be on Sesame Street and not parading around the sidelines. That or trying to pick up 6 year old chicks.
Rockysaurus - Colorado Rockies
I don’t get it. It’s a dinosaur. Isn’t this the Rockies? Could they not have come up with something better having to do with mountains, or mile high? How about a plane or something? Maybe a big rock?
A Very Scary Pac Man
This one just freaks me out.
Some fiery weird thing for a Soccer Team
What the hell is it doing walking around a team practice?
Youppi - Montreal Canadiens
Youppi? What the hell is a youppi? Looks like a Jim Hensen character to me. Amazingly enough this mascot is in the hall of fame for mascots and was the first mascot that ever got transferred (used to be the Expos Mascot). Still though, it doesn’t seem very Canadian. I don’t get it.
Thunder - Golden State Warriors
Wait a minute. Aren’t these the Warriors? This thing just looks like an alien. Would have been cool if they had that little dude from Golden Axe or someone with a Sword and Armor. This is no warrior.
Phillie Phanatic - Philadelphia Phillies
OK. A phallic nose and a big green monster like body. Sure it’s a known mascot but what the hell does it have to do with the Phillies? Granted I love the Phillie Phanatic though.
Octopus - Detroit Red Wings
OK I’ll never understand the throwing of the Octopus onto the ice for good luck but come on. There’s no evidence of any mascot with any kind of Red Wing whatsoever. How hard could that be? Detroit Red Wings? Just give the Octopus a red wing arm or something.
K.C. Wolf - Kansas City Chiefs
It’s a wolf on the CHIEFS. Alrighty then.
How hard is it to have a Sting Ray of a team called the Rays? P.S. This is an old mascot. Now their mascot has a beam of Sunshine. Man that’s gay.
South Paw - Chicago White Sox
They couldn’t get a dirty sock? That would have been awesome.
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Even More Uncoachable Stuff
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- 13 of the Horniest Mascots That I Could Find
- Arena Football Guys Have To Pose with Stuffed Animals (As do the Cheerleaders)
- Sunday’s Question of the Week Involves the Golden State Warriors
- 20 Pictures Of the Hottest Phillies Fans Who Would Have Been Great To Celebrate With Last Night
the significance of the octopus is that back in the day, you had to win 8 total games to win a championship. it’s just been a tradition since then.
Don’t dog Big Red! He’s a blob powerhouse!
[…] Mascots that make zero sense [uncoached] […]
The masconts do not have to make sense, they are for kids not 45 year old men who cry about stupid little stuff like mascots. Grow a pair and join AA you fag editor
[…] Mascots that make zero sense [uncoached] […]
here is a collection of mascots and their celebrity look-alikes. pretty funny
http://www.derober.com/2008/06/30/college-mascot-celebrity-look-alikes/
((I am copying down what my 12-year-old daughter is dictating to me..))
Shooter MaGavin, a couple of things.
1. You can’t spell masconts.
2. This is for amusement and for showing people stuff. Not to insult people. You want things that make sense? Go on 3News or something.
3. Methinks you need to “grow a pair” and fully agree with the “fag editor” part - it describes you nicely.
Now, please GROW UP and act your age not your shoe size!
((Back to me))
That’s pretty cool! How long did it take you to find them all? I like the retarded PacMan ;D
Shooter, you need to get real. Its a fun, unimportant article. Lighten up you’re too uptight you need to remove the california redwood tree lodged up your anus and get a life instead of going around and badmouthing people for putting together a silly little article that you couldn’t come up with if you majored in journalism.
I’m surprised the stanford cardinal(a tree) wasn’t on there
You forget the University of Pennsylvania’s Fighting Quaker… what the hell is a fighting quaker anyway?
[…] http://www.uncoached.com/2008/09/30/a-collection-of-athletic-mascots-that-make-zero-sense-to-me/ Algunas de las mascotas del deporte profesional y aficionado, que entretienen a los espectadores, coloque otras de sus equipos favoritos o comente sobre ellas en masgol.com […]
the guy on those oatmeal packages…
other then burning witches I could have sworn they didn’t go for the whole fighting thing. but Univ of Penn has proven me wrong..
I think that “fiery weird thing” is meant to be a phoenix, and if their team are the phoenixs, that would make 100% sense to me.
The pac man thing is actually a clam, which can eat fans. That makes no sense to me either.
WHERE’S THE SHOCKER???
What about Gapper? He scared the crap out of me every time I went to a Cincinnati Reds game.
[…] Mascots that make zero sense. [Uncoached] […]
[…] Uncoached, I stumbled across this post today. While I have to wholeheartedly agree with his selections, I do […]
What about the Cubs’ Ronny Woo Woo! Nothing like giving a bum a Cubs uniform and season tickets and making him yell, “Cubs Woo! Cubs Woo! Cubs Woo!!!!!”
[…] Question of the week is this: Is this change a coincidence or did Robert Rowell read this article which was posted only 4 short days […]
[…] Question of the week is this: Is this change a coincidence or did Robert Rowell read this article which was posted only 4 short days […]