I just want to extend my most heartfelt congratulations to Amy Lynn Grover, one of the winners of Playboy’s Youtube search, and the winner of the “if you found my pants it wouldn’t take long” award.

Amy Lynn is a blond so that kind of upsets me, but she is most certainly deserving of the honor. Amy, I’m sure all the hard work of wearing makeup and perfecting that high pitched Playboy Bunny laugh will pay off. In fact, I look forward to someday meeting you at the mansion so that I may say something extremely inappropriate so that you’ll slap me.

That way I can say “Amy Lynn Grover” touched me in a very mean way. If you kicked me in the balls I’d definitely like it.

That’s it. I’ve had it. I’m officially becoming a soccer player. Or should I just start saying football? Why? If I see another girl like Federica Ridolfi hanging out with, or rather engaged to a friggin’ soccer player one more time, I might have to kill myself.

Yes, we Americans (I know this American does) think soccer is lame. It’s mostly boring. There is no scoring. The guys lay down like little girls at the first sign of contact and most of them have very flaming hairstyles.

Having said all of this. You just can’t deny that these guys pull down ridiculous women. Oh yeah, Federica Ridolfi is an Italian television host. Happy? Yay!

Check out her Ridolfi’s after the jump

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Wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait just a God damned minute here. Are you trying to tell me that there’s anyone on the planet that DOESN’T want to beat the crap out of this guy?

Seriously guys. Who the hell is out there telling me that? Because I don’t believe you. If you’re telling me this guy deserves anything but a giant shoe to the pants then you’re just insane.

Absolutely insane. Big Shoe. Pants. Shove it right up there.

Period.

My new Sponsors

In their infinite wisdom and in response to my open letter to Dewey Hammond, Yardbarker has selected this site, Uncoached, to be a part of its ever growing network of websites. Advertisers will have the chance to open new doors in not only the sporting world genre, but in the Myspace Toolbox, Where are They Now, and editorial letters about wanting to bounce Managing Editor’s of Sports Networks off their knees genre.

And to the people at Yardbarker, I only ask you of two things. Two simple things and I will dedicate myself to making this the biggest and best site in your network.

One: Playboy Mansion. If I don’t get an invite I will definitely have to smash some doors down. I assure you I’m very handsome so it will all work out. Oh, and my fiance is not invited.

Two: Christmas Party. I want to A. Take Dewey to the party on my shoulders and B. Dress up as Santa Claus and bounce him on my knee for at least 5 minutes, no 10.

If these things can be arranged, then you’ve got yourself a blockbuster of a site. If not, Dewey and I are running off to the Bahamas together and there’s nothing you can say or do about it.

Love,

Natty B.

You see this folks? This is what it’s like when you get to go to a school like Florida State University. This is what it’s like to be that guy. That guy in this picture who was smart enough to realize that this was his one chance to party on a consistent basis with hot blonde sorority girls. Sure he looks like a toolbox but this guy is my kind of guy, and the ladies at Zeta Tau Alpha know what’s up.

Remember this men? Remember the out of control times? Remember how “easy” things were? The beauty of attending a school of mostly hot chicks is that it’s “easy” even with gorgeous girls. I mean what could have possibly went on that night? Where did these girls wake up? What stories did the guys tell the next day?

I miss this thoroughly. And I miss even more….

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Natalia Paris is someone I’ve never heard of and that’s a shame

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. I’m naming my son “Ladies and Gentlemen.” I got that from Louis C.K. who is my favorite comedian. Jesus I couldn’t think of a damned thing today.

The Tips

Natalia Paris is the international babe of the day – [Doubleviking]

The ladies of the NFL have to get ready too – [Bustedcoverage]

The Revolving door smack down – [COED Magazine]

The Sportscenter Live Commercials – [Awful Announcing]

A motorcycle crash in a church – [Totally Crap]

Kristin Cavallari in a very short dress – [Bright Black Internet]

Are short ladies or tall ladies worse off? – [Asylum]

Mallory Snyder is good for a quickie – [Celebslam]

Wow, an American WAG – [The Spoiler]

Will anyone read Dustin Diamond’s Tell-All Book? – [The Comedy Feed]

Surprise Surprise: Joel Zumaya with yet another injury – [The World of Isaac]

How a college fan made it to Football camp – [Nextround]

Manny just being Manny. Click for other great photoshops

Manny Ramirez is apparently open to being traded which reminds us once again: Germans love David Hasselhoff.

Enjoy the rest of the portfolio

Iowa doesn’t have any all-nude strip clubs — but it does have performing arts centers where women dance naked.

However, the loophole in the state’s public indecent exposure law that allows nude dancing at “art centers” is under attack in the small community of Hamburg, a town of 1,200 just across the Missouri River from Nebraska.

The case pending before a Fremont County judge effects only one business in Hamburg, but if he agrees with the prosecutor, it could eventually threaten the legal standing of nude dancing clubs across the state.

Oh come on! This is a business. These people came to this country, just like you, in hopes of a dream; a dream to one day be in a strip free town and give these people what they need: a good old Lap Dance once in a while.

And now you’re trying to take this away from them? Come on judge. I’ll bet if that Sheriff’s daughter got you alone for a lap dance in your chambers you’d change your fiddle or at least straighten it out.

As a male, it’s literally painful to watch this. However, if you really want to know what drew me to this video, it was this chick’s legs. Man I must be way too horned up right now.

I just watched this 100 times.