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May 01 2008

Thursday’s Tale from the Toilet – Middle Stall, Middle Urinal Guy

Published by at 4:00 am under Editorial

Bathroom Stall

Once in a while I think it’s prudent to get a couple of things off my chest. I’d like to take this timeout to write a short editorial on a subject that I deem to be very important. That subject is the bathroom. More specifically, the etiquette involved in using a public bathroom at work.

At my offices we have a bathroom that contains three stalls and three urinals. Bear in mind the urinals do not have splash guards so you are pretty much very close to seeing exposed penises when people pee near you. That is kind of crappy (pun intended) if you ask me.

My concern is for those individuals who find it necessary to do a couple of things. First of all I absolutely loath the guy who manages to sit in a stall next to me while I’m taking a dump. Situation is as follows: I’m sitting in the far right stall, the other two stalls are empty.

I’m minding my business doing the deuce and some guy sits in the stall next to me when the other one is free? Dude, are you fucking serious?

Similar situation. I’m peeing at the outermost urinal with two urinals being completely free. Why some guy would actually choose the middle urinal and piss right next to me is something I will never, ever understand. I feel like turning to my left and peeing on the guy’s leg. He’d probably like it though.

The last one is one that I’ve changed my mind on over the years. This is the guy who chooses the middle stall or urinal when all are available. You walk into the bathroom, need to take a dump but really don’t want to sit next to anyone. Of course a guy is in the middle stall and I decide to wait another ten minutes because I’d like some privacy.

I used to hate this guy but you know what? It’s probably a great tactic to scare off other potential shitters.

That’s all for today. Thanks for your time.





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2 responses so far

  • Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

    Was peeing once back in college after a midterm. I took the #2 urinal on a wall of about 10. Two guys walk in, talking to each other (strike one!). They straddle me by taking #1 and #3 (strike two!)… and then continue their conversation OVER ME (STRIKE THREE).

  • Deuce General

    Totally agree, why choose the middle. My bubble’s been broken!

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