Come on Preston, you’re better than that

According to the Seattle Times, “Wide receiver Preston Parker’s future at Florida State is in doubt after he was arrested Tuesday and charged with carrying a concealed weapon and possession of marijuana.”

OK that’s fine and all but did you know how hard a time I had finding pictures on this guy? Little did I know that Preston Parker is a male porn star.

I unfortunately had to sift through naked well endowed pictures of the white Preston Parker, just to get you three lame football shots of the FSU receiver Preston Parker.

I hope you guys know how hard I work on this damned site.

For full coverage on athlete’s being arrested you can always check out “Cuff ‘Em” at my buddy Joe’s Busted Coverage.

Right back at ya bud

In the “about me” section on Special K’s Myspace Profile: “I set trends with every way I feel, these kids order my style like it’s a happy f*cking meal.”

So basically what your saying is that you’re a complete waste of space and the world would be way better without you?

Well, unless we’re in dire need of bronzer I think we can go on safely.

Yes, this was the cute little soccer star with pigtails.

So, you watch your wife give birth and it’s a beautiful baby girl. You take care of this baby girl. You raise her like she’s your own, because she is your own. But said girl reaches puberty and gets a hold of MTV and Myspace.

This, my fellow men out there, is a segment I like to call “This Might be your Daughter Someday.”

No matter what you do, no matter what rules you instill, you are most likely powerless in a situation that can potentially send your cute little angel spiraling into a drunken world of parties and really lame dudes.

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“Now if everyone here will just move in an orderly fashion your penises shall be salvaged.”

According to Reuters, “Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.”

The Police chief of the republic of Kinshasa Jean-Dieudonne Oleko said, “I’m tempted to say it’s one huge joke.”

“But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it?’” he said.

Man, can you imagine having this guy Oleko’s job? I’m amazed this article is real.

Sly Stallone back in his nudy picture days. The true “Italian Stallion.

We’ve all done it. We’ve all been bored sitting on our asses and simply type in searches on Google to see what we can come up with. Sometimes we type our friends names, or random phrases like “douchebag.” The funny thing is that 99% of the terms we type in some way, shape, or form wind up with porn as a result. Amazing.

In any event, I was kind of bored and decided to type in the term “Italian Stallion” to see if anything interesting came up. I did an image search on Flickr and managed to find some post worthy pictures. If you can think of any interesting terms to suggest, feel free to email me at uncoached@gmail.com

Other than the ridiculous amount of filth and porn I came across, enjoy the Italian Stallion Results

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This is for Cricket? Sure I’ll go to a game.

I’m not sure how many of you pay attention to Cricket but I can clearly say it’s much better than Hockey. And you’d be surprised how popular the sport is abroad. The stadiums are huge, get filled up every game, and the players are treated like royalty.

Take the Indian Premier League for example. It’s a new league that began this month. There are currently eight teams. Apparently all of the players come out carried in parade floats with women kneeling at their feet and feeding them berries.

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Shaun has already accepted a new job shuttling around Disney Mascots. Way to go buddy!

In a matter of three years, Shaun Alexander went from MVP in 2005 and getting to the Superbowl in 2006, to being a really old and injured 30 year old running back who was finally released yesterday.

I think Shaun was a great player but he really must have pissed off some fantasy football managers. I mean, damn. Having to resort to Maurice Morris week after week? Ugh.

In other news, when asked about his release, a Seahawks executive said, “The truth? It was the gap in his teeth. He was really pissing us off with that thing. I couldn’t stand looking at it.” Watch out Michael Strahan, you could be next bud.

Best of luck Shaun (and get that gap fixed)

I will never understand this…ever

Here’s another guy that wants to get away with racial slurs. Here’s his Myspace Profile credo: “Yeh n*ggas got beef, but I got Turkey.”

Here’s what I have Tony B. I weigh about 180 which makes me at least 80 lbs more than you. I’ve got some peanut butter to get that crap out of your hair. I’ve also got some matches to light a fire to burn your clothes.

House Music!

I may be a day late on this one but come on, it’s hockey for Christ’s sake. And not that I even remotely care here but hooray! The Montreal Canadiens won their game 7.

While I can’t stand hockey and I think the sport is completely fading, I still find the emotions elicited during games to be pretty entertaining. Out of curiosity, what compels a person to think “My team just won! Let’s go destroy a cop car!”

Wouldn’t having sex be a better alternative? Grab a beer with buddies and talk about the game? Nah, let’s destroy public property, walk on cars and induce a police raid?

Hockey is awesome