Oh we all remember cute Bastian don’t we? He was, you know, the loser tool of the movie “Neverending Story.” Essentially he was the     kid reading the book while Atreu was doing all the work.

In other words, a huge vagina.

So whatever happened to that little dude?

“Bastian….Pleasssssssssse! Save us!”

If you recall, Barret Oliver starred in tons of movies in the 80′s. He was in “D.A.R.Y.L” where he played a creepy cyborg kid who hit lots of home runs. He was the grandson David in “Cocoon.”

So where did he go? Well it’s my personal opinion that the movie “Cocoon 2: The Return” is where this kid must have fallen off the deep end.

Nope, not a loser at all

That cute little David wasn’t so cute anymore. In the sequel he played a dorky, loser teen who couldn’t hit a baseball for the life of him. The movie focused on his inner struggles of becoming a man and trying to fit in.

So instead of doing normal things like smoking pot or getting drunk with the boys, David decided to hang out with his Grandfather (Wilford Brimley) about 17 times a day. Even his Grandfather was like “dude, what the hell are you hanging around me for? go get a chick and leave me alone you douche.”

Anyway, he looked very gawky in that movie and still does today. The last time anyone saw this guy was in 1989.

Word is, he’s now teaching photography in Los Angeles. Is that not the most shitty ending you could possibly imagine to this story? Man I wish he were a drug addict or on a reality show.

Can we make a reality show with Barret Oliver? “Balls out with Bastian.” Kind of like “Flavor of Love.” That I’d watch in a heart beat.